Working with Families of Children with Autism

Dr. Emilie M. Storch, PhD

Are you an "0 positive" blood type person or are you an individual who has "0 positive" blood? Or, are you an angry person or a person who can get angry? It makes all the difference in the world because it is how others will define you. As a counselor and the president of HorseFriends, I believe that we do not serve autistic children. Rather we serve children and families that struggle with autism. You see, these children have wonderful gifts and talents that have nothing to do with autism. For example, Sam is one of the happiest kids I know, and he just makes you smile by looking at him. Simon is so friendly that you always feel welcomed by him. Madison is a very persevering child. And on it goes. This is what HorseFriends is all about... discovering just who this child or parent is ─ apart from a diagnosis. This does not mean that we do not understand their difficulties and work with them in specific ways, for we believe that this is the way to success with them. It does mean that we get to know them and value them as who they were made by God to be.

In June 2008, HorseFriends began a unique program which works with families of children with autism. So often, the sisters and brothers of these children spend much of their lives traveling from appointment to appointment with their sibling because autism has so many difficulties associated with it. At HorseFriends, we have the siblings ride, the children with autism ride, and the parents attend a support group all at the same time, in the same place. It is wonderful to have them be just families instead of "labeled" children. If you could hear the painful struggles that these parents share, it would break your heart. It is the parents of these special children who have become my heroes. Because children with autism can often tantrum with no understanding why, the adults can be seen as “bad” parents in public ─ although they are some of the best parents that I know. Their children have to be monitored so closely that they rarely have anything called “down time.” Most people can give them a list of their child's problems, but very few people understand what these children can do. Can you imagine knowing and loving a child that others do not take the time to understand?

Henri Nouwen, a theologian and philosopher, helps turn our understanding around as to who is really “disabled” in this life. “Let's look into our own hearts! Aren't we constantly concerned with whether we are noticed or not, appreciated or not, rewarded or not? Aren't we always asking ourselves whether we are better or worse, stronger or weaker, faster or slower than the one who stands beside us. Haven't we, from elementary school on, experienced most of our fellow humans beings as rivals in the race for success, influence and popularity?” Children with autism have an uncanny ability to lose self-consciousness, and so they really don't struggle with any of this. Who, then, is disabled in this light? I am. It's all in how you look at it. I am desperately in need of a Savior who can deliver me from my selfish heart. I am the disabled person who has so much to learn from these children.

And so, once again, we at HorseFriends learn just as much, if not more, from those we serve. The next time you see a child tantruming in a store, consider that you could have been given the incredible responsibility of parenting a child with autism. Its a humbling thought.